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Today's Date:Thursday, 09/29/2022 -- I've got a river of life flowing out of me...

Water County To Establish New Town

Residents Crying the Blues

Submitted by Chris Cowinstein from the stupid-punny-headlines dept.

Blue Sea, Water County --  I'm standing right outside the crowd of people gathered in protest as their addresses could be changed to something completely unacceptable.  Residents of the former Blue Sea are disgruntled and are complaining that they feel insulted by even the suggestion of the new name.

"I'm just not very sure that the council has really thought through what they're doing," said Jane Palinstoff, a resident of Blue Sea for almost 12 years.  "I mean, Yellow River?  What kind of a name is this?  Why is this even on the ballot?  Sure it's nice that they're giving us an option to pick the name, but I'm just a little concerned about the fact that they would even think about changing out town's name to something so completely disgusting."

The commitee chosen to select the names for the ballott has spent two months in deep thought trying to come up with possible names for the new town.  They've spent hundreds of tax dollars, and thousands of doughnuts to try and solve this delima.  "We never thought about insulting the people of Blue Sea," claimed Billy Boolinsteem, one of the individuals involved in the commitee for selecting names for the ballott.  "We simply looked at the fact that Blue Sea begins with a color and we thought that since we're splitting the town in two, it would only be fair to the residents of the new town that their name should also be a color.  We were going call it Red River, but that just sounded too gory.  Yellow is a nice, peaceful color, and we wanted to send the message that this is a peaceful place to be.  We just didn't, or at least I didn't, think about how it would sound, and I, personally, would like to apologize for the disgrace that we have brought upon the former residents of Blue Sea."

Here are the names currently on the ballott:
  • Peaceful Springs
  • Tamborine Channel
  • Ear Canal
  • Yellow River
Even though there are several options to choose from already, not all of the residents are ready to accept the apology:

"Apologize?" inquired resident Shirley Japerstonalin, 62.  "All they're going to do is apologize?  Why don't they issue a new ballot without the name Yellow River?  In fact, I'm not even sure I believe they didn't think about it.  They thought about Red River being bad.  How could something like Yellow River not even raise one flag for anyone there?"

These are good questions for the council of Water County.  Unfortunately they were unable to comment at the time.

It seems, however, that not everyone is annoyed by the presence of the name Yellow River on the ballott.  James Pickleston, 11, had this much to say about it:

"I think that it's a really funny name and if I were old enough I would totally vote for it."

His mother then commented that it was fortunate that he was not old enough to vote.

Article date: 3/12/2010

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