The Pond Informant
Quote of the Week:"Even if the Bee Could Explain to the Fly Why Pollen is Better Than Poop, the Fly Wouldn't Understand" --Unknown, possibly Adekunle Jr
Today's Date:Tuesday, 02/27/2024 -- Walmart Panda Employee Stolen from Local Zoo

Walmart Panda Employee Stolen from Local Zoo

Likely Suspect Full of Salad

by Kennith Vellemhootenhier from the oh-man-you-wont-believe-what-i-did-last-night dept.

Just two days ago the Pond Heights zoo reported one of thier panda's had gone missing overnight. The local police dept has had a thourough investigation team working day and night to figure out what had happened, mostly because they didn't know what else to do. The mystery had baffled the crime force mostly because they couldn't find the panda in anyone's homes, nor in any of the parks nearby.

Said local detective Cynthia Walerston of the crime, "This is a particularly interesting case indeed. From what I've learned from my previous experience in the mustard factory, most of these types of crimes occur as practical jokes, or pranks if you will."

The panda was found just last night in a local supermarket parking lot, dressed like one of their employees. A local detective theorizes that the people involved were probably "salading" just prior to the capturing the panda and dressing him up in this fashion.

According to police chief Geordi Kwrakknsvr, "A lot of people don't realize the potential dangers of salading. They believe that since what they are consuming is healthy, their state of mind can't be affected, but eating such large amounts of salad, which contain high concentrations of ranch dressing and tomatoes, can indeed actually affect the way the mind works, similiar to the way alchohol can affect the mind." He then proceeded to cite multiple studies on the effects of the combination of sugar and milk.

As always, we would just like to remind you that if anyone tries to persuade you to start "salading" or following any other new cool trend, please do not join in that activity, and keep watch for any odd behaviors that person might commit. The Pond Informant wishes to encourage everyone to be involved in safe lifestyles, and beware of "healthy" trends.

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